brokenxnoxmore

Holy fucking shit I haven't written in this in 35 weeks hahahahah damnit! I've been sooo incredibly busy with anything and everything. I still work for SuicideGirls, I actually kinda have my bosses job now, it owns! I always have money and I'm saving up for a car. I've made new friends and lost them. The other day, this guy I kinda like tried to kiss me when he was wasted with vomit all over his face l0lz. It was awesome though, he wouldn't let go of my hands he wanted to hold them the whole time.... too bad he doesn't remember and definately too bad he was wasted.



This is soo funny, I was reading my old entries and they were about me being really stoned, etc. That's soo funny.. I took a vow of soberness for the rest of my life. I think about breaking all the time, and it sucks, but I know deep inside I don't want to, nor am I ever going to.


I am saving up for a car! yay!! I hope I get one soon... I am moving back in with Deandra so I can save more money. It's going to be awesome I think. Me and her both have changed tremendously since I've lived with her before. She's the closest person I have in my life, and knows more about me than anyone I've ever met. I LOVE YOUU DEANDRA :]



Anyways, my legs fucking are soo sore. I bought Billy Blanks Basic Bootcamp and that shit fucking KICKED MY ASS. But I definately think it's going to be worth it in the end. Last night, I made Darien do it and it was really funny. I don't think either of us would make it through basic training if we ever decided to go into the army, etc. I don't know how my lazy ass brother did it...



Anyways, I will update this later.

Sweet, thanks for the flyers that were thrown infront of my office/subway on Friday!

It must have taken a REAL genius and photoshopper to come up with those ideas and skills!
I can't believe someone would actually go that low to do something like that.
I can't tell you how long my boyfriend laughed about those.

Next time, do something that's actually going to effect me..
I am sure that it was a great laugh at the moment, but it was honestly fucking retarded.

No one called me anyways, your plan failed.

And I am sure soon, those survelience cameras in the subway parking lot will come in REAL handy.

Just leave me alone, I obviously got rid of having you in my life, do the same and pretend I never existed, thanks!












Living with my boyfriend is amazing :]
I am finally really happy.
He's everything I ever wanted, seriouslyyy.
I am thinking about selling my sidekick and getting a regular phone since I am never on it anymore.
No one talks to me anymore because they're all butthurt that I got a boyfriend.
Get the fuck over it.
Everyone gets in relationships and I don't date more than one person at a time.







Tattoos soon yes???? :]
Maybe.
I'mma be super hella excited cuz I'm going to be hooked up for mad good prices.

So, right now, I am sitting at work, chillin. I really don't want to be here, and I only have 4 hours left! YAY! That seems like soo far away though, ugh. I am not coming into work tomorrow, because Matt is gonna be at my house, and I don't want him there by himself.

I just stuck Poison The Well on my myspace. It totally reminds me of Bobby. I really miss him. I can't believe he just stopped talking to me, like I never existed. It sucks. But whatever. Brandon is being an asshole too. It really hurts when I talk to him... I just get soo sad. :[


So, last night I went to Moscow with Jenn. It was actually pretty fun. I don't think I've ever gotten hit on so much in my life in one night, at one place. Infact, I know I haven't. haha. But whatever. I met this dude there named Steven. Hahaha, we made out though, wayyy before we officially introduced ourselves to each other. Hahaha, I wasn't drunk either but it's whateverr. I have a picture from it.





That's me and Jenn. I look like a totally fatty in that picture, but I don't care.

Yay! I'm going to see Hoods and CDC tomorrow, and on Saturday, I am going to Vans Warped Tour for the first time ever.!

I'm doing a lot of things for the first time recently. I went to Disneyland for the first time on Sunday. It was awesome. Space Mountain is definately my favorite ride of all time now. I would have had pictures there, but me and Robyn were fucking around and her camera broke while we were waiting in line for the Bug's Life ride. We bought a disposable camera though, freakin $20 for one, but we have pictures !! We just haven't gotten them developed yet.

I am starting to get really homesick from Florida. I was supposed to leave today to go there for 4 days, but I couldn't find a place to stay. :[ Maybe it was a sign that I shouldn't have went. That's what I am hoping it was.

Robyn is leaving me. :[ I'm going to cry when she leaves. We got soo close, and we've had soo many good/bad times together. Needless to say, we have memories that are going to be with us forever. Whether it's making up songs about check cashing places or making me come with her to her bedroom to go turn the light off in Seans' room and her screaming at me because I scared her while she was doing it. Haha, I am still sorry about that, Robyn. You know it was from the heart. I just want to let you know that I love you soo fucking much and that I am going to come kidnap you from Florida really soon. Just so you know, and I'm not lying. You belong in California with me and Katie with our big house in the hills with our husbands and kids all living together. That's the way it's supposed to be. :[

So, right now, I am chewing on pot gum. This gum tastes like regular gum it's crazy and I'm really kinda high off of it. I can't believe how crazy people are with inventions and stuff. lol Anyways, I can't wait to go home tonight.. My stomach hurts soo badly :[ Tomorrow is the weekend yay!! I guess not that it matters because I still have to go work at Virgin, ewwww.

Ughh, Brandon makes me so sad sometimes. Sometimes, I just think it would have been easier if I didn't know him. But that sucks though, because he's suchhh an amazing period, but I feel really depressed everytime I talk to him now.

Hmmm, I completely forgot I was writing in this until right now.. Hahah, now I don't know what I was going to say!!!

Uhm, I updated my myspace a lot a lot yay :]

So, I am really stoned right now.
And I don't know if I wanna move back to Florida, even for a little bit. :[
I am scared that my friends won't be here anymore when I come back.
And that I'll lose contact with everyone :[

I don't knowwwww.
GAH
Why are decisions soo hard to make?
Especially ones like thisss.

So, Orlando, Florida, here I come.

I've been thinking about it for a really really really long time, and I think I want to go back for a while. It'll make me greatly appreciate Los Angeles soooo much more. I just really hate Los Angeles, and pretty much all of southern California at the moment. I just need to get away. Plus, there's a lot of things in Florida that I need to take care of for a little bit. It's been over a year and half since I was there last, and that's when I moved there, I just need to go and visit and see all my friends and stuff and hopefully I will get out of it exactly what I am hoping for. I am going to have a job though, which is a good thing. The only thing keeping me from going right now is the fact that I don't have a place to live. Soo, :] , if you know of a place Jenn can stayyyy telll mee, pleaseee!!

Anyways, I hate arguing with people over stupid bullshit. Honestly, okay, if you liked someone for a REALLY long time okay, and they've known for a really long time, and you guys aren't together, don't you think that there's something preventing you guys being together?? Oh, let's say.. They DON'T FUCKING LIKE YOU?? Honestly, don't play mind games with people if your heart belongs to someone else, in hopes that you're going to get over them. I'm not a fucking rebound, nor can I keep you occupied until you're over that person.. I'm sorry, that's not how I roll. I just wanna be happy, and it's bullshit that girls named Alison keeps fucking it up for me.


I hope I'm making the right decision to go back to Florida for a while. I'm going to plan on saving my money and go across the country when I decide to leave. Which will be chill, I will have a camera, and a laptop, and a car, and I'm going to go visit a lot of places that I know that I've always wanted, but will probably never because I'm too lazy, haha.


Ewww, my ex boyfriend, Shea, keeps messaging me on Myspace. Seriously, get overr it. You got your shrek ass girlfriend pregnant and you're going to try to come back to me? Don't think soooo. I've already been hurt soo many times with you, it's never going to happen and now since you got her pregnant and this will be your SECOND kid, don't you think that you're stupid already?

Bullshit..

Anyways, I guess a lot of my Orlando friends decided that I was never going to come back or talk to them again, so they deleted me off their Myspace. Whatever.. I'll find a place to stay haha. I keep posting bulletins and only one person has really replied back soo far and I don't know. I just need to be close to Downtown Disney... Anyone?

Hmm, anyways, right now, I am at work just chillin like always.. I'm really going to miss this job a lot. Seriously, sitting on Myspace all day is a dreammm job. haha NOT. It's actually really really stressful. I hope when I come back to LA that I can have my job back here. I lovee it. :]

I'm really going to miss all my friends here :[ A little too much.. I have soo many friends it's rediculous.. I hope they don't stop talking to me just because I'm going to be gone for a couple of months.

Hopefully not!!

I might update this before I get off work today.

Oh man, I haven't updated this in a while. And I never thought I was going to write in this ever again, But since I am doing livejournal updates for one of my jobs, <ahref="http://community.livejournal.com/suicidegirls_lj/"> SuicideGirls</a> I decided to start updating it more often.

Hmm, nothing really has changed about me. I work two jobs, I really have no friends anymore because of it, and I am somehow always broke.
Yesterday, me and my boyfriend broke up, because he was in love with his friend Alison and couldn't get over her. Sweet, the second dude in a row leaving me for some cunt named Alison. I will never date another guy that even has an aquaintence named Alison.. Learned my lesson for sure.
Anyways, I was really mean to him telling him that she's known for years that he was in love with her and if she felt the same way that they would have been together already and he said he knew and that he's stupid and how he's not happy anymore, and I was like "Hmmm, soo why did you break up with me pretty much then?" STUPID BS DRAMA.

I made friends with someone I haven't talked to in a while, actually someone I hated for a while. We hung out yesterday, it was okay, I guess, we hung out like we have never even stopped being friends in the first place.

I think I'm getting kinda tired of living in Southern California. I have my whole life ahead of me. I should definately explore more of the places in this world. Maybe I'd be more happier if I moved away where no one knows me, and there's no bullshit drama and such. Atleast for a couple of months. I really want to go back to Florida to visit. I haven't been back since I moved away which was March 31, 2006. It is now August 8, 2007. It's been a year and a half. All my friends that I have in West Palm Beach I haven't seen in 2 years. That's soo crazy. It feels like yesterday when I was standing in the mall parking lot balling my eyes out because I had to leave them for what I thought was a short period of time.

Also, I pretty much figured out since living here that people really fucking suck. I have met soo many fake people in the past year and a half that it's rediculous. I've only met a couple people that are actually true, and I am sure that they aren't as true as I think they are. It just sucks that everyone in this world is out to use people. I, however, am not one of those people. There's been situations in my life that made it seem that way, but I want nothing from no one. I'd rather have just a couple close friends, then a lot of really fake ones like right now. I can never trust anyone anymore, nor do I tell anyone anything anymore.

I really want to go to college, but I don't think that's going to happen for a while, and it sucks soo badly. I work 75 hours a week, for nothing. I have no life, nothing. I wish I could quit one of my jobs. It sucks really really bad. All the people my age have something going for them, they have cars, money, everything. I have, nothing. Thanks to my sweet parents for helping out!

I pretty much got pushed out into the real world when I was 16 and was told "Okay, here's nothing, now go learn how to survive by yourself." That is seriously how it pretty much happened. I was homeless and still had to find my way to school and such because I told myself I was never going to be like my mom. I don't want that lifestyle, those decisions, nothing. My grandpa wants me soo badly to come and move back there, but I refuse, because if I do... My life would pretty much be over with. No thanks!

Oh man, it feels like I've typed a novel. And I am pretty sure I did pretty much. And sorry for venting, this is some of the stuff that's been on my mind for a while, and it really bothers me. I think I should definately have gotten it out of my system, than to have it built up inside me and my handwriting sucks soo badly to put this in my real journal I keep at home, hahaha :]

Anyways, yeah, I am definately going to start updating this more often.

so i never update this... ever...
uhm
i got a job
which i slave a million hours away at a day
i stopped being friends with a lot of people
and i made a lot of friends.

benni doesn't live here anymore.
because alcohol is the most important thing in his life.
chad and roxanne moved out here to try to better their lives
away from lolz@debary.


i've come to hate just about everyone i've ever met that's in a band.
they think they can get any one they ever want and not worry about the people that care about them the most.


i never get to see deandra anymore.
she's always fucking at school hahaha

i still don't feel complete yet.
there's something missing in my life
and surprisingly it's not a boy..

maybe i just miss school alot.. i should look into going back
but it still won't be a while unfortunately :(

sjdhaskdjhasdklajhdasldkjhlakjdhadkljh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soo
i think i've fallen in love.
call it what you will
but i've seriously never felt like this before.
he makes me soo happy i wanna cry

my nose hurts
and i am soo exhausted
i don't see how people can not sleep.
and i hate the fact that i get woken up alot.

benni lives here now.
i love him
and i am glad he's here.

he's cursed with getting stupid stupid boys too

ahhhsl;dkfjd;lfjdfkjfsdfdkfjs;flkdsjf

tomorrow= job hunting all day.

OH i moved to hollywoooooood
as;klfjs;fklsj YAYAYAYYAYAYYAYY


sooo long/short term plans...... experiment living in ny next year???
i LOVE LOVE LOVE hollywood but i wanna try ny for a while. see which one i like best.
that's a long term goal/plan though.. nothing within the next few months.

ok so i hate stupid boys
and stupid boy drama
and stupid boy high school drama


i wish it would all fucking go away

k soo the 16th was my birthday.
despite everything that happened..
deandra made it the best birthday ever :)





uhmm can you say cock tease?
i seriously for a sec thought that was throwdown the band :(

greedy people are bitches.
so so are people that need everything perfect in life.

on the brightside,
i hung out with this amazingg dude todayyy :)
and he said he was interested in me yahhhhhhhh
i'm excited as fuckkkk yooo
:)

i am pretty frustrated with life right now

okay soo, my new job SUCKS MAJOR ASSSSSSSS
seriously, my manager must have forgotten she hired me
I'm not even on the schedule for next week.
ugh ugh ugh ugh fl;j;lfkjdfsl;kj
okay soo tomorrow i think i'm bleaching some moer of my hurrr
and anthony got snakebites!
they're hott as fuckk
i told him if he wasn't gay i'd wanna do him ;)
anyways i dyed his hair today...


you know you've hit rock bottom when you can afford the hair dye minus the gloves :P





i need more friends here... i've hung out with like 2 people since i moved here ughhhh but that's not including ryan and his crew.

i hate stupid cunt bitches who used to be your best friend and then all of a sudden became too good for you.




on the brightside, i'm going to this show if i have to fucking walk

i've been out of school officially for one year.
am i really growing up and that old?
this is fucking gay shit :(




on the other hand, i'm not very happy with my friend chris either
he plays with my emotions too much and yesterday went over the edge when he was drunk.
i hate boys.

dude
it's WAYYYYY too fucking hott today
it almost reminds me of florida
- the humidity.

deandra is going to vegas
fuck yeah
i'm jealous :(
i will make it there someday
and get drunk and make out with random boys.



hahahahahahahahaahahahah my friend chris just asked for a topless pic
and i sent him a pic of me without a shirt on
but it's from my shoulders up
and he's pissed hahahaha
that kid is really truely amazing it makes me sick



i'm going to start updating this more often

i haven't updated this in a while.
uhm i got a job
i started today
at party city
AMAZING.

so my court date for seminole county was resceduled so i'm not wanted.
that's amazing.
i don't have a job yet which sucks :(
but i'm going to call around tomorrow
blahhh
i REALLY REALLY RAELLY REALLY REALLY need a job.
because i'm REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY feeling like a failure at life
and i feel like shit all the time and it sucksss

I'm tired and stressed.
I hate life right now.
I don't want to worry about hardly anything.
but all i do now is constantly worry.
i really do feel like killing myself
but on won't.


on the brightside,
california is beautiful
and amazing.
and seriously had as fuck to find a job in
i woudln't trade it for the wiorld though.
i love it a lot



oh and as right now, i am wanted by the seminole county police department.
gayyy shit.


:(